The Show Stealer.

Like most women around the world, I was mesmerized by the Royal Wedding.  I thought it was practically perfect in every way. However, I found one aspect of the event somewhat confusing: Pippa Middleton's dress color.  Although it was a gorgeous ivory gown and she was gorgeous in it, why would the maid of honor even dare to compete with the bride?   Did Kate want her to wear white?  Bad move honey...Pippa's too hot!

Pippa's certainly not the first gal to attempt to steal the spotlight on a bride's special day. I've attended dozens of weddings these last few years and I'm always shocked to see a clueless female guest blatantly wearing ivory or white.  It makes me wonder, are these women just dense or downright deceitful?

This topic was recently mentioned on one of my favorite trashy TV shows, The Real Housewives of New York City.  "Characters" Ramona and Alex had the nerve to attend a Hamptons wedding dressed like this...

For shame!

And check out this pic I found...

Oh hell no!

And the worst of all...

What was this bride thinking?  

So what am I getting at?  Brides should be in white, never the bridesmaids. And wedding guests should use  their heads.  No white for you!

Galliano...Donatella...Dolce & Gabbana...Boring.

I never thought I'd say this...but I'm momentarily a bit bored with fashion. Is it me or do the spring/summer trends all have a "been there, done that feeling"? Striped tees, ethnic prints, army jackets...what a yawn! Nothing has a wow factor; that certain something that shouts, "ooh buy me buy me!". Which I suppose is good for my wallet, but snooze-inducing for sure.

Zelda Fitzgerald once said "She refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn't boring." In regards to fashion I think that's a crock. Give me something inspiring, something new & fresh to get excited about. I can only hope my state of mind is temporary...otherwise I'm in trouble!

He Said You Were Giving Him A Toothache.

Don't you just ADORE Valentine's Day (insert sarcasm here)? It's so easy to get wrapped up in all the sugar-coated sentiment being shoved down our throats. I'm not saying I don't enjoy chocolates. I like flowers too...but really, who actually wants a platinum dipped rose? Or a crappy mass-produced piece of heart shaped jewelry? And waiting two hours for a table at Outback? Stop it. Really.

The Valentine's Day grand romantic gesture has become so cliche. Are you fresh out of ideas this year? How about doing reenactments of famous couples throughout history? It can be inexpensive...and super fun!

Bonnie & Clyde - For The Adventurous Lovers

What you'll need:

Retro duds

Super Soakers

"Hold up" your local gas station. It might be a good idea to leave the car running for a quick getaway.

Samson & Delilah - For The Love/Hate Lovers

What you'll need:

Old bed sheets to make a toga (for ladies) and loin cloth (for guys)

Hair clippers

In the middle of the night when your significant other is sound asleep, grab the clippers and shave their head. So thoughtful and romantic.

Sid & Nancy - For The Music Lovers

What you'll need:

Reservations at the Chelsea Hotel

Not to shower for about a week

Fake Blood...or ketchup.

Nothing says I love you quite like a Sid & Nancy reenactment.

Adam & Eve - For The Great Outdoors Lovers

What you'll need:

An apple

A snake

Fig Leaves to cover your bits & pieces

Go to your local park during daylight. Ladies, continuously tempt your significant other with the apple. Guys, keep resisting the apple and when the mood strikes take a bite. You then should run around screaming as though being exiled.

The Ugly Truth

Christmas!!! There's so much I love about this time of year. Watching my favorite holiday movies, especially White Christmas and Home Alone. Baking delicious cookies. Listening to fabulously cheesy Christmas music. And as corny as it sounds, that warm fuzzy feeling you get right after Thanksgiving that lasts until New Years. Love that warm fuzzy Christmas feeling!

With so much to love about the holiday season, there are only a couple things I detest. #1 Everyone & their mother being out...at the mall, at the grocery store, on the road...where do they all come from?? And why won’t they get out of my way! And #2 hideously ugly Christmas sweaters. I'm not sure exactly how they originated...nor do I really care to know. But I mostly blame home shopping shows like the atrociously awful Quacker Factory for selling them to the public. And ultimately, I blame the terrible judgment of all the housewives, grandmas and teachers across this country for purchasing them. Hang your heads ladies...for shame!

Luckily it’s possible to wear a festive top without looking like Christmas decorations threw up all over you. Sequined & sparkly knits are holiday appropriate without being gaudy & tacky. So I better not see anyone wearing a terrible Christmas sweater, or I might just rip it right off you...got it? :)




Faux Gemstone Cardigan $35, Old Navy

















Sequined Scarf Sweater $110, J Crew

















Sequined Shoulder Sweater Dress $54, Arden B


















Sequined Knit Top $60, Zara

Sunday Worst

This past weekend I attended church with my parents. This is not a normal weekend ritual. In fact, I have not attended Mass besides funerals, weddings or holidays since my teenage years. So I decided a visit to The Big Guy was long overdue. As Mass began, I felt strange feelings come over me. I was in a state of disarray. I felt confusion. I felt fear. And most of all, I felt an overwhelming urge to pray. Not for myself, but for a vast number of the parishioners. Their sins were overtly obvious. They were dressed like slobs.

As I scanned the crowd I was horrified. I saw tank tops with exposed bra straps. Ratty, ripped jeans. Concert t-shirts. Dirty sneakers. Disheveled heads of hair. Bless them Father, for they have sinned! If God were to strike them down right there at St. James, I wouldn’t have blamed him. Not one little bit.

How did our society become so darn casual? Scratch that, how did our society become so down right sloppy!? What happened to a time when dressing up wasn’t a novelty, but an everyday expectation? What happened to men who wore hats & cuff links? Ladies who wore gloves and kept their undergarments...well...under? What happened to wearing sneakers only while playing sports? Clearly I was born in the incorrect time period. I understand we live in a go-go–go world and ultimately old styles change and new styles become acceptable. But when going to the Lord’s house, make yourself presentable! After all, some things are sacred.

Sophia vs. Jayne

It just so happens this is another boob-related post. I didn't plan that. But recently boobs are EVERYWHERE. Over the past few months I attended a myriad of weddings. Exaggeration....five weddings. But five within a short period of time feels like a myriad. So anyway, while observing the female guests at said weddings, I noticed that there are 2 types of women. Those inclined to blatantly show off their bubbies (my new favorite slang for boobs – thank you Real Housewives of NJ!) and those who prefer to cover them up. And when I say “show them off” I’m not talking about moderate cleavage. I’m talking the bubbies are at full salute, in a big shiny display case. Clearly, this is not a ground-breaking observation. But I think it makes for an interesting topic of conversation.

There are some famous examples comparing these two types of women. Marilyn Monroe & Jackie Kennedy is the most obvious. Ginger & Mary Ann (Gilligan’s Island) isn’t a bad one either. But for this particular discussion I’m going to focus on Sophia Loren & Jayne Mansfield (pictured above). This is one of my all-time favorite photos. Circa 1957, it was taken at Romanoff's a famous Hollywood restaurant and features the two contrasting sex symbols in their prime. Sophia Loren, the sultry rising star of Italy vs. Jayne Mansfield, the Playboy pin-up turned box office beauty. Two very different dames playing poster-girls for two different types of sexy.


Sophia “The Lady” - Apart from her hilarious disgusted glare, she clearly has class. I love her jewelry, her hair & makeup....the whole package is perfection. And I love how she’s still gorgeous at 75! Side note: Sophia Loren actually has quite sizable bubbies, as you can see here:



But she knows how to show them off in a sexy, not tramp-y way.

Jayne “The Tramp” – She really was gorgeous. I love her glam, teased hair! But how can you notice anything else about her ensemble....her cleavage is ludicrous! It’s not really even cleavage, it’s beyond cleavage. It’s a full-on bubbie buffet! I can image how scandalous this was in 1957. If the neckline of the dress was about 3-4 inches higher she would have looked radiant, not ridiculous.

Just in case you were wondering which category I fall in....I’ve been a Sophia my entire adult life. Lots of cleavage always made me feel rather silly. This for a couple reasons: my bubbies are on the small side and I’m not about to strap on some type of “Miracle” bra to play tricks on everyone. And I lack that overtly sexy confidence. It’s just not who I am. I’d rather show off some goods that sparkle & shine as opposed to.....you know, my actual goods.

So do I look down upon girls who show a lot of cleavage? No, I do not.....to an extent. I think there’s the classy way to display the goods (show as seen in Sophia’s pic above) and an inappropriate way....the Jayne way! And I do not recommend the Jayne way. Especially if you’re attending another lady’s big day. If you’re at the bar or in the boudoir, by all means show them off! But leave something to the imagination. Please.